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5 Things A Plumbus Does According To The Official Owner's Manual

Plumbuses may sound like lifesavers in any cooking, cleaning, or music-listening situation, but as with all great inventions, there is a downside. The Plumbus seems to have a harmful side, with many of its features harboring the potential for unintentional — and even intentional — danger. 

One of the strangest details within the FAQ segment of the manual is that Plumbuses are often used as weapons. In particular, it states — twice — that one of the most common uses of the device is “hitting your brother … when he tries to take your Plumbus.” This feature seems to make some sense, as the product’s handle-like Grodus seems like a perfect weapon tool to grab onto and swing at an enemy. Chances are, getting hit by a Plumbus one time is more than enough for most. 

But a Plumbus can do equal damage to its owner as well. Among the safety instructions is one that reads, “Pressing Plumbus against sensory organs will result in sickness or death.” That’s admittedly a bit concerning for something with as many functions as a Plumbus. An item that can be used around the house and on food with such harmful potential may not be an immediate killer, but over time, it might do a serious number to one’s body. As for the issues that could point to health issues, it’s never explained, as are many other things about the gadget. The Plumbus remains a curious tool, and we all know what too much curiosity did to the cat. 

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Aldo Pusey

Update: 2024-09-28